you traded sex for a burrito?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
