She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
