I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
