It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
