wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
