I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
