sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm at about main and main street
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
