he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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