Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
