so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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