Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
high people should be assigned attendants
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
