I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
