New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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