Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
