just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
