ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so let's talk penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
