you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
