Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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