OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
