My sheets look like a crime scene.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
