Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i will never coherently bang her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
