No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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