it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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