I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Two words: nipple clamps
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