I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
