you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
