If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
