if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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