Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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