How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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