Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
did i just pee glitter
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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