After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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