come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
