dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
