M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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