he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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