if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
