Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
