Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
