why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
