I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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