Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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