We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We got so high we made milksteak
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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