I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
