i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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