And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
