These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We are all done wearing pants today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
