Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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