Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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