I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
